Top Ten

Ten Lessons I’ve Learned from Bethel

1.) Grocery stores can be a fun place to hang out.

Few spots are quite as social as the Bethel Alaska AC Value Center. Some towns have Wal-Mart and shopping malls, Bethel has AC. Whether board, hungry, drunk or simply in the mood to do some springtime shopping for this year’s new shade of tan Carharts, AC is where the party is. Assuming Miley Cyrus was form Bethel, her song would surely be titled “Party at the AC Value Center.” Mall of America…eat your heart out.

2.) Fur is back in fashion

Never in my life did I think I would hear the phrase “hey…stop by Joe’s place tonight. We’re having a Polar Bear hanging party.” And here I was thinking our family was cool because we have deer antlers laying around in our garage.

3.) That thing on the back of your jacket…is useful

I may have a leg up on these Eskimo’s in regards to financial literacy, but when it comes to staying warm, I stand to learn a lot. Hoods are without question the greatest invention of our modern era and an absolute must in frigid temperatures.

4.) Broken down cars are great weed barriers

People in the lower 48 spend way to much time fretting about their lawn and garden. Bethel has found a simple solution to the weed (and grass and tree) problem. Just leave your old cars in your lawn. Problem solved! Might have to convince The Preserve in Greenwood Village to relax their covenant laws a bit. Wonder how Tom would react to that one???

5.) Breakfast is overrated

Throughout my days subbing at the high school, I have learned many great lessons from my kids. The most practical however is to skip breakfast entirely and instead chug two Monster Energy drinks. A surefire way to stay focused and make it to lunch.

6.) Being on time is all relative

My first month in Bethel was torture. Everywhere I went I found myself waiting around wondering if I was in the right place. Then I discovered the secret to being on time in Bethel. If someone says…be at the park at 1:00; it means you start thinking about going to the park at 1:00 duhh… Regardless, it’s a great system

7.) 32 Degrees is warm

This statement will most likely cause some controversy as 32 is technically the freezing point, but after a full Winter in Bethel I can now say that 32 is a pleasant temperature. I laugh when I think back to our middle school days and how recess was cancelled when temps were below freezing. Toughen up kids…schools not cancelled in Bethel till it’s -50 (actually true).

8.) Inappropriate jokes are…appropriate

As I’m writing this blog and about to talk about inappropriate jokes, one of our foundations board members walked in to share several inappropriate jokes. How fitting. Inappropriate jokes are a sure sign of cleverness and career potential. The dirtier they are in Alaska, the faster you will be promoted. As much as I would like to give an example, I will not for fear my mother will cut off all care packages.

9.) Cars Don’t Matter

My mother will be so proud of me on this one…but the type of automobile you drive makes very little difference on your “cool” factor in Bethel. Considering that 70% of Bethel does not have a car, having one is cool enough. But for you car enthusiast out there who must look cool while driving, here are some Bethel tips for cool cars. Drive a big truck, put a really big gas tank on the back of your truck, have a snowplow for your truck. Get the picture…trucks are cool

10.) The Tooth Brush was discovered in Bethel

How do you know that tooth brush was discovered in Bethel? Because if was discovered anywhere else it would have been called a teeth brush.